Over the holidays I had the pleasure of spending a lot of time around my sons who have a kazillion of friends. While engaging in conversation the 5 most unattractive traits a woman can have that they shared with me are low self esteem, wearing too much make up, stalker tendencies, nagging, and a space hoarder.
Ladies in our quest to find, attract, and keep our perfect partner, we often wonder what turns them on. And while it’s important to know how to light a man’s fire, it’s equally important to understand what douses his flames.
The Following is 5 Tips to avoid while in the pursuit of finding your dream partner….
Low Self Esteem: The side chick syndrome is becoming very popular these days! Most women made themself believe if I can’t have the whole 5 course meal I will settle for the side dish. Not realizing after a nice belch the side dish becomes less fulfilling. Low self-esteem can drive people to deal with a lot less than what they deserve, and in this case accepting the role of being a side chick. Perhaps you bought into the lie that you can’t do better than this person and you should appreciate the left over scraps and crumbs that he/she feeds you rather than embracing what you deserve “the full meal.”
I’ll give you a pass-maybe you started off not knowing and after it was revealed you found it hard to walk away. However, knowing and embracing your worth is the key to breaking the spell and finding the strength to not accept situations which you know internally your not happy with. You should not let a person(s) set your values! You have to realize your worth is much more than being a mere side chick! Since creating a relationship with your own self is so important, that’s where you should begin. Before rushing into any kind of relationship you should first love and respect yourself.
Covering Up the Real You: The foundation of a good relationship doesn’t lie on the actual foundation on your face. I know it’s exciting to get dolled up once and a while, but try to make sure you’re still recognizable. While the right amount of makeup can enhance your natural beauty, the wrong amount can be a turn off. Guys don’t know a lot about makeup but their pillowcase the next morning tells them if you’re wearing a shit-ton. The foundation of a relationship starts with the person your are, not the mask. Allow your mate or potential partner to fall in love with the inner woman. Allow him to be captivated by your femininity and grace, Enhancing your look is one thing, however, becoming a walking advertisement for MAC cosmetics will draw attention, but can you build a foundation from it?
Being a Ms.Stalker: Most people do not have an ill will towards the person they are stalking they simply want to engage in a loving relationship. The problem arises when the stalker begins to view the person in which they are stalking as their soul mate or lover. Within their mind, they believe it is their job and purpose to ensure destiny of a loving relationship is fulfilled. Blinded by their distorted perceptions of a destined love, they lose sight of the distress and fear they’re causing the person they stalk.
A Ms. Stalker often feeds off the feeling of entitled and/or deserving of a relationship with the person which inspires the stalker to gradually increase their frequency of contact through phone or social media. Stalker tendencies is often birth out of relationships that start off great and end in tears of despair. It’s not something that one can often predict during the onset of a relationship; it almost always catches you entirely by surprise. Stalker tendencies are VERY CREEPY and if you find yourself engaging in this type of behavior STOP IT! The most important relationship to nurture is with yourself. Without starting there, you can’t relate effectively to others. Who we are to ourselves, determines who we are to others. It’s impossible to be happy with others if deep inside, you are not happy and peaceful with yourself.
Commitment Phobia: One thing that will drive your mate away or a potential partner and kill his or her commitment to you is assuming at any point you know exactly what is going on in his or her head. People change daily which often takes relationships through sequential steps and with each steps brings about new insights and discoveries. It’s a journey to get to know your partner an it never ends. Likewise, he or she should never feel like they know everything about you too. Society places too much emphasis on time. If you are a person who is diligently searching for the house with the picket fence, two kids and a dog–ummm keep looking. Unless the person you are involved with or a potential partner see the same illusion you are setting yourself up for failure. Seek the desires of your heart my Gorjez friend and all things true and just will follow.
If your longing to be in a committal relationship learn to be open,understanding and respectful of the needs and the pace of your mate with out panicking. Once a person feels less pressured they will do everything he or she can to ensure your happiness are fulfilled until he or she is ready to step it up to the next level. An individual who is at peace with himself or herself is at peace with the whole world. A deeper understanding of life and the ability to love and believe in oneself is the greatest gift. Make yourself worthy of this gift.
Ms. Space Hoarder: Men are very simple creatures. They move in the most calculated way. They are thinkers and often need space to analyze and figure out their next move. This is why they often revert into what is known as “the man cave.” The man cave is a natural process just as breathing air and drinking water is to life. Just as the guy in your life should accept all your flaws so should you! And if you can’t? Move On-It’s as simple as that.
When you invade his space by placing demands or ultimatums during this required man time often will push him away further. So don’t stand around tapping your feet and looking at your watch. Your mate feels you hovering over him like a hawk ready to devour its prey (which is a major turn off!). Instead of nagging and pestering become independent…which most men find sexy and intriguing. The most important relationship to nurture is with yourself. Without starting there, you can’t relate effectively to others.
Think Different | Think Gorjez!